Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
