you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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