That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
