she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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