My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
