I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
