fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
