She said her name was "party"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
