Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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