my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
