Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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