Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
