He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
