I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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