just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
