I wish my penis had an off switch
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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