Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
