i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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