i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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