I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there's paper in my vomit.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
