sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
