I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
