i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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