Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
