Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
