Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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