are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
