3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
