but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
