He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
