So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
