Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
