Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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