I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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