I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
