I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
