Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
