I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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