I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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