Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
