True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
