I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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