I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just pee around me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
