She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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