Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
