His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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