I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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