Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's always time for handjobs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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