nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How external is "for external use only"?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
