You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
