Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
