I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
