My room smells like vodka and shame
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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