You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
