My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
