i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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