My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
