I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
