And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize