I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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