And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
