He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
