Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
