my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize