I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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