is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
