She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
