Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
