Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
