There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
