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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back

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• (818): View more from California

  I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

  (310): View more from California

  wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

  (818): View more from California

  why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.

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• (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Ladies don't puke and tell

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though

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