for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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