Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
