you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
