easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
