If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
