god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Mom said you looked used
you had me at cake vodka
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
