neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
