You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
