dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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