Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
as a side note pls kill me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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